I have had this fear for a long time,

…a fear of messing up or wasting good paper.

Good watercolor paper is expensive.

I have fallen into the trap of buying the cheaper paper far too many times. I can’t count the times I have used cheaper paper and had it begin to disintegrate when I was close to finishing a painting. I was disappointed again when it came to my sunflower; the paper began to disintegrate as I was going back and adding details and lifting pigment. I have learned the hard way not to use junky paper. Canson XL is not worth the heartache.

So why do I keep going back to cheap paper?

It has come to my attention recently that it is due to a lack of trust in God.

Yes, it may sound a bit off the wall but stick with me and let me explain.

God created me and called me to be an artist. Why do I keep NOT trusting Him to supply my needs to do what He has called me to?

As I sat there disappointed and staring at the mess the sunflower had become due to the paper falling apart under my brush and God asked me why I didn’t trust Him.

What?

Yup. The thought, not my own, came to me that by continuing to use cheap paper (instead of the paper that I used all the way through college and know I can trust not to fall apart -paper that can handle being thoroughly soaked and does not disintegrate when lifting excess pigment and can withstand some scrubbing with a brush) I am really not trusting God to meet the need of having good paper to paint on.

He keeps leading me to pursue my painting… why would He not meet the needs to do that?

A Quick story…

I had been asked to paint a backdrop for our church’s silent drama team, Speechless. I began to work on it and the day I needed to finish it up was the day I was T-boned by a lady in her brand new SUV and I spent the rest of the day/evening/night in the ER. So a good friend of mine finished up the painting where I had left off. Praise the Lord for artist friends.

Later, Speechless presented me with a Thank you note containing a gift card to an art store for doing their backdrop. Guess what I spent it on? Yup, ARCHES paper. No more Canson XL paper for me.

God provided THAT paper; why wouldn’t he supply more? Instances like this confirm to me that I am on the right trail and going the correct direction.

I will stick with the more expensive Arches and rely on God to provide paper for me as I follow His lead down this trail.