When I was struggling with culture shock a few years ago, I hit a point where I wanted that “joy unspeakable” back that the Bible speaks of. Somewhere along my trail I had lost it. (It was probably hiding out from me because I was camping in a cave with Bitterness even back then.)
I came across a Bible study and decided to follow it. It was very basic and it started way back at making a decision for Christ. It walked slowly through what is meant by Justification, Sanctification, etc. and at first my pride reared up it’s head and told me, “You already know all this stuff! You’re a missionary for crying out loud!!” I had to come to a point where I told my pride to take a hike down a different trail than the one I was on. It took a bit of inward humility to just keep plodding through it. I am glad I did because it really helped! The joy came back and I almost felt like I had just gotten saved all over again!! (Just to clarify I believe in the eternal security of the believer.)
Awhile ago I went through a time when I decided to make a choice and step out in faith onto a trail spoken of in Galatians 5:1:
Inwardly it was something I had always believed, but outwardly I had not lived it out. Something told me it was not going to be an easy hike but one of lots of rock walls to scale and places where I would find myself at the bottom of crevices that I would need Christ to show me the hand and footholds to be able to get to the top of them.
But when the first step onto that trail was taken I can remember telling someone that I felt like I was starting all over again. I felt like I was in a place where I knew nothing about living for Christ.
Oddly enough I can also remember my first pastor mentioning in a message one time that often, when a person has gotten off track somewhere in their walk and end up in some major sin, when they are at a place where they are back on track, the sin repented of, it is like they are new Christians again and they need to go back to the milk of the Word. Like they are starting all over back at the beginning. When I first heard that I thought, how can that be?
I know now.
I found another basic Bible study and it is helping to refresh and revive me from the bitterness I have begun battling. (“But you are a pastor’s wife now!” Yep, I am, but I am also just a sinner saved by grace like everyone else. The title doesn’t take away the fact that I am still trapped in this body of flesh that doesn’t want to live in obedience to Christ on it’s own.) Though it takes a one time prayer of repentance, acknowledging the sin, it takes a daily continued spirit of repentance to keep moving forward and farther away down the trail, leaving the sin in the dust behind you. (I am not doing anything but reading the books. I am enjoying going through them at my own pace.)
You see I need a reminder now and then. Like the call to the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2:
It is helping me to get my focus back on Christ and following him and is making all the other stuff, that vie for my attention and distract me, become blurred and fade into the background.
Just like a short depth of field photograph …where the one thing is in focus and everything else is just a blur.
