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It has been fifteen days since I last posted.
I was in a dry season. No leading by the Lord to write about anything in particular.
Do you ever feel like you can’t write?
That you don’t have anything to say that would benefit anyone?
I began to seek God and ask if I should just close this space down. If I am supposed to keep this blog going I needed Him to give me something to say that, without question, was from Him.
Not only was I having a sort of writer’s block, I also questioned whether I was worthy to continue writing here.
Do you ever have times where you are so distracted by an internal battle it consumes your thoughts and hinders peace?
That is where I’ve been in the last month. I had an internal battle raging, that sometimes showed through to the outside. Seen by others through my lack of joy. Stress and tiredness ruled my days and my countenance.
I had very little peace.
When we don’t have peace, we need to stop and ask, “why?”.
Seek the Lord for an answer.
I have been a Christian for over twenty years now. Why was I having a battle over my salvation? Why was I questioning whether I was saved or not? My head was filled with loud, nagging, and condemning thoughts. Doubts were caused by dwelling on what wasn’t true.
Lies swirled in my head.
“If I am truly a Christian, I wouldn’t have a struggle with this or that. So I must not really be saved.”
Yet, I know that I am not in any way saved by works, it is only by faith and trust in Christ Jesus.
“For by grace are ye saved through faith;
and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
Not of works, lest any man should boast.”
~Ephesians 2:8 & 9
However my critical-self would read;
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works,
which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”
~Ephesians 2:10
and I would beat myself up that “I am not walking in good works”.
My perfectionist-self condemning myself.
I had convinced myself that the Fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23 weren’t evident in my life.
Truly what does salvation come from?
FAITH.
Placing your total trust in the finished work of Christ.
But I know I am trusting in the blood of the Lamb, that which Jesus shed for me on Calvary, to cleanse me of my sin.
Was I not trusting Him enough?
Did I not love Jesus enough?
When it comes down to it, you either accept Christ or you knowingly reject Christ.
There is no “enough”.
“Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed:
blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.”
~John 20:29
This isn’t the end of the story…
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Linking up with Kristi and Michelle today.
**edit: Part 2 is found here. Part 3 is found here.
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