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Gratitude: Comparison


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I sat in church yesterday and listened to a man give his salvation testimony. He referred to his testimony as “tame”. He grew up in a good Christian home and had never “gone off the deep end“. He was your average “good kid”. Yet, he saw that he was a sinner and needed a Savior.

As I listened, I was reminded of a conversation I had recently with a dear trusted mentor and friend.

I had been playing that comparison game again of doubting my salvation based on comparing my testimony with others.

How?

My habit used to be to listen to people give these ‘earth-shattering’ testimonies of coming to Christ from the bottom of their pit, often out of a background of drinking, or drug abuse. You know the ones. We have all heard them. Ones that brought radical lifestyle changes.

When I would listen I would compare and think… “I haven’t had anything that huge happen to me, did that mean I wasn’t saved.” But I know I am.

My friend reminded me of children who have grown up in Christian homes who have never delved into things such as drinking, or drug abuse, or the like. They don’t necessarily have these radical testimonies. BUT they did come to a point of seeing their sin before God and their need for salvation and trusted Christ.

I need to instead give thanks that God protected me from having those kinds of scars.

I am grateful that He got my attention, that I saw my need for salvation and trusted Christ, without having to go through such trials.

BUT- we do all have RADICAL testimonies.

Simply the fact that we saw ourselves walking in darkness, having been born into sin, that none of us are sinless and we all need a Savior and (here is the radical part) GOD reached down and saved us.

As pastor friend of mine put it, “God shrunk himself down into a human womb to give us life.”

That is radical.

That God would save any of us is radical.

1429.  the smell of coffee brewing

1430. listening to it gurgle in the pot as it brews

1431. clean laundry, folded, neatly stacked

1432. …the smell of bleach lingering on those freshly laundered clothes

1433. our Christmas tree, decorated and lighting up the room

1434. R. H. such a blessing to my daughter

1435. sunshine

1436. fifteen pounds: gone

1437. polished fingernails

1438. fog

1439. not being recognized

1440. relief of an unnecessary load put down

1441. readily available medicine

1442. new dishes

1443. her watching my face as I read to her

1444. a mini sermonette from an unexpected place

1445. the word “shrunk”

This post is Part 2 of THE COMPARISON GAME SERIES: Part 1 is HERE. Part 3 is HERE.

Posted in Faith, Gratitude List

Tuesdays Unwrapped: Playing the Game

 

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In the past I have written of how I began blogging due to Emily’s Tuesdays Unwrapped series which she ran long ago. You can find some of those posts here, here, and here. This one being one of my very favorites. I met Emily in real life at Relevant ’11 and what a joy that was (#989 here).When I finally began a blog of my own I could not wait to jump in with both feet and figure out how to link up and participate. My first ever Tuesdays Unwrapped post is here.

For the month of December, on Tuesdays, Emily has invited us to unwrap our gifts with her at Chatting At the Sky.  Join in if you would like. You can find the how, what, and when, here.

I have been doing a quiet Bible study with a good friend on Tuesday mornings. We are going through Beth Moore’s study of James. I have been wanting to do this particular study for a very long while. I was so excited to start and get my book and listen to Beth tells us all she learned while studying it out for herself and us. I could listen to Beth Moore teach all. day. long.

In the written work for week one she mentions the ‘addiction to comparison’. I have fallen in that ditch many times in my life. Maybe you have too? You know the one where you silently compare yourself or something you do or a ministry you are involved in with someone else’s. Or someone else’s blog or writing abilities.

I stumbled across this:

“If we don’t refuse ourselves the indulgence [of our addiction to comparison], we can lapse into the mentality of a spoiled child who thinks that, if God shows you favor, He must hate me.”

How many times have I had to diffuse that one with my own children? More times than I can count.

But this time? The Lord spoke to me, “How about you Sharon? Isn’t that one of the root causes of the depression you battle?” (A battle being one that so often feels as if there is no end in sight?)

Ouch.

And yet? What a gift to unwrap!

It brought clarity to the battle I have over assurance of my own salvation. Which is crazy and contradictory and so illogical coming from one who solidly claims (and knows all the supporting verses) the doctrine of the eternal security of the believer. However I am forgetful. Because even though I know this to be true I still trip and beat myself up, put myself down and criticized myself into a point of thinking, “I must not be saved if I don’t do this or behave that way or think this way or I constantly fail at victory over this or that.” All the while knowing in my deepest inner core that there isn’t any truth in it because NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. Romans 8:31-39 tells me this and still I trip into that pit over and over.
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Isn’t that playing the comparison game? Because what is the standard I am holding myself up to?

Usually? What I see in others and my critical eye does not see in myself.

Yes, God’s Word says I should do this or that but… it also says I will never be perfect and isn’t that the point of GRACE? That perfection and true maturity only come with our final redemption of this body of flesh, when we finally breath our first breath of Heavenly air.

Is there anything you keep stumbling on?

Do you ever play the comparison game in your own head?

This is Part 1 of a series. You can read Part 2 here and Part 3 here.

Linking up to Emily Wierenga’s Imperfect Prose too.

Posted in Faith, Gratitude List, Tuesdays Unwrapped

Gratitude: #1243 ~ #1428

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Gratitude List

1243. A good friend to have theological discussions with

1244. teachers to fellowship and share testimonies with, of God’s working in their lives, past and present

1245. It truly wasn’t me

1246. the company of two dogs

1247. how she works hard to wedge her nose under your hand or arm, Carmel, how she comes and lays her head on your lap, her total devotion, -and shouldn’t we be that way with Christ?

1248. Mango running her energy out while running circles in the backyard

1249. Mango chasing her tail… and catching it then going after it in the other direction

1250. the hum of the washing machine

1251. the quiet thumping of clothes in the dryer

1252. teenagers who make and adult feel welcome

1253. girls laughing

1254. husband who prays and texts messages of encouragement

1255. boys roasting marshmallows

1256. she requests David Nevue from the backseat

1257. canoes tipping…

1258. giggling girls

1259. a lake of very cold water

1260. black walnuts falling to the green carpet

1261. …a green carpet strewn with discarded yellow

1262. the smell of dinner cooking in the camp mess hall

1263. a son coming to tell me he discoverd the camp coffee shop

1264. a ‘campfire latte’, warmth swallowed down

1265. offered free of charge, “a mistake”

1266. wooden bench

1267. circle of light … Light

1268. softness of flannel

1269. crisp fall leaves the size of dinner plates

1270. a heater that works

1271. beautiful countryside

1272. various crops, planted in a way as to make stripes across hills and valleys

1273. iced coffee

1274. jacket, found and returned

1275. a cabin full of girls

1276. a teenager quick to listen and obey without questioning, even though she’d been awakened at 2:00 AM

1277. potential catastrophe avoided

1278. text messages from girlfriends which make me explode into laughter

1279. he missed me

1280. there was an extra jumper to borrow, rescuing me from a problem

1281. quietness

1282. “How Deep the Father’s Love For Us”

1283. teens willing to have an adult join in the fun

1284. knowing I’m not alone

1285. the opportunity to serve on the hospitality team

1286. fog

1287. pumpkin spice white chocolate dunkin’ donuts lattes with a special friend

1288. her choosing to spend time with me

1289. trips to the post office…

1290. …via the scenic route

1291. cut hair in circles on the floor

1292. Candles burning

1293. time chatting with girlfriends

1294. Friend picking up kids from school

1295. foil in my hair

1296. highlights AND lowlights

1297. Royal Farms chicken, fresh and hot

1298. hoar frost thick on grass and limb

1299. hoar frost melting off a housetop in the morning sunshine, creating a steam cloud so thick that it looked like the roof was on fire

1300. Girls night with my girls

1301. snuggled up on the couch watching Road to Avonlea

1302. blueberry cobbler coffee

1303. Boys coming home dirty from an overnight in the woods

1304. phone call inviting us to a  bonfire

1305. bonfires- REALLY BIG ONES

1306. she’s happy and her blog’s feed is fixed

1307. waking up to quiet, not an alarm blaring

1308. hoarfrost melting as the sun creeps, chases the shadows away

1309. Mr. K stopping by with his mower and helping us get the lawn done in record time

1310. boys finding a salamander under a board in the yard

1311. delicious BBQ ribs

1312. kids enjoying the zoo

1313. sunlight stripes across my desk

1314. soap bubbles in her hair

1315. her sharing some of her walk with me, so many similarities with my hike

1316. spending a day with a friend while herding children through the maze of animal habitats

1317. artic fox, white and snoozing

1318. the giggling of little boys sliding downward

1319. the scent of campfire lingering in her curls

1320. Green trees with red tipped branches

1321. the smell of real leather

1322. the Mall in Washington, D.C. lined with yellow and orange trees

1323. crisp fall weather

1324. teens giving a Saturday to be witness for Christ, sharing the gospel through drama

1325. a crowd gathering there on the mall amidst historic museums and monumnents

1326. Good friends and hearing them sing for the Lord with the Capital in the background

1327. Google Maps on my phone

1328. riding the metro with her, sharing a pair of earbuds

1329. listening to a teen share her heart and her burden for missions

1330. her excitement in her voice and the broad smile flashing as she speaks of answered prayer

1331. an afternoon playing soccer with family and friends

1332. Hearing a choir director share her testimony of God speaking to her heart about obedience in the small things

1333. God’s peace overtaking anxiety

1334. cool clear water on bare skin; stream walking with the kids

1335. bald eagle flying low over our heads

1336. clear night air

1337. the brilliance of innumerable stars in a dark country sky

1338. watching meteors slice white across the blackness

1339. the warmth of Mango snuggled up against my feet in the cold night air

1340. the look on her face when she realized who our roommate was

1341. Being remembered, and her sincerely asking how I am

1342. Laughing so hard with Julie and Danielle that my sides and face hurt

1343. Jessica Kirkland blessing Danielle with a ticket to Allume

1344. finding the perfect piece of art for a special teacher

1345. and he loved it! (and it perfectly matching the color already on his office walls)

1346. meeting Phil Vischer, hearing his testimony

1347. the yellow leaves bright against the black pavement, fallen from trees lining old city streets

1348. meeting Mary DeMuth, hearing her talk about writing

1349. catching up in real life with so many online/blog friends

1350. $50 gift card to Starbucks

1351. only 6″ of water from Sandy

1352. the inside of the cottage, nice and dry

1353. fog settled in valleys, orange and red peaking through

1354. littlest singing hymns

1355. Littlest singing “Trust and Obey”

1356. carnations filling the vase

1357. their scent filling the room

1358. hearing her testimony about her daughter’s health issues

1359. the story of William Tyndale’s life

1360. the work he accomplished

1361. an unexpected income

1362. text messages of encouraging verses of scripture

1363. encouraging words

1364. two deer bouncing across open shorn fields

1365. Brilliant Japanese Maple still full of orange

1366. gift certificates

1367. an evening with close friends, dressed to the nines

1368. clean laundry

1369. her depth of biblical knowledge, pretty deep for a teenager

1370. she knows what she believes

1371. she knows what she stands for

1372. she knows why – scripturally

1373. a quiet morning alone at Longwood Gardens

1374. rehearsals that go smoothly

1375. songs learned easily

1376. a good landlord, quick to respond

1377. Beth Moore’s Study of James with a sweet friend

1378. my youngest happily spinning in hand-me-down-Hannas

1379. My playwriting daughter, confidently writing a skit

1380. … which she and her classmates performed for a full audience

1381. His confident well-expressed words clearly spoken with expression

1382. borrowed beaded dress

1383. cleaned up attic

1384. new outside lighting

1385. an unexpected paycheck

1386. Ever Grateful dishes, saved $588!!, yippee!!

1387. giving her my dishes

1388. she’s giving her dishes to him

1389. owl swooping down low over the road in front of me

1390. Red tailed hawk

1391. a pastor who listens to concerns and questions and takes them seriously

1392. Realizing I don’t have to defend myself for simply asking a question

1393. He’s enjoying 1,000 Gifts

1394. the girls writing in their gratitude journals on their own

1395. Mango constantly dropping her ball on my lap-desk trying to get my attention

1396. Colorful tie-dyed shirt

1397. freshly painted fingernails

1398. freshly cut hair

1399. Carmel freshly bathed and combed

1400. Tim Hawkin’s Insanitized making us laugh hard

1401. a basket full of “out-dated” food

1402. Thanksgiving baskets

1403. cream-clouds billowing up in  my morning coffee

1404. listening to her breath while she sleeps close by

1405. the kids wanting to stay up and read

1406. the smell of coconut shampoo lingering in her hair

1407. the dogs were so well-behaved at Pet Day

1408. His love for me and for loving me as Christ loves his church and sticks by me even when I walk the valley’s of depression

1409. Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Go There With You” bringing grateful tears for #1408

1410. the portrait photos turning out well

1411. Good clear sunny weather

1412. spending an afternoon with a new friend

1413. a parrot that sings “Jesus loves me” and yells “praise the LORD”

1414. her wanting to get to know me and my kids

1415. a clean attic (still) for the girls to play in

1416. the softness of the fur on Carmel’s chest

1417. Mango’s head and ears so soft

1418. white Christmas lights

1419. Christmas music

1420. Children decorating the tree

1421. it was only the pot that broke

1422. bookcases: moved

1423. I found my David Nevue cds! 😀

1424. fife and drum Christmas music, a family favorite, by the Middlesex County Volunteers

1425. she still wants to snuggle up close as she falls asleep

1426. watching the original Muppet Movie with the kids

1427. both girls snuggled up close while watching a movie

1428. kleenax offered along with a comforting hand on my shoulder

*****

Posted in Gratitude List

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